Preparing for this...

I wake up every morning and the first thing that pops into my mind is the day count til I leave for Findhorn.

It hits me at dawn and when I go to let the chickens out I take in the morning light. This morning that sitting lasted an hour as my mind went over the lectures, felt Findhorn in my body and imagined the people coming to the Symposium. I deeply thought and explored the ceremony and walked the trails there in my mind. I listened to the Taize singing in the chapel there and remembered the sacred dance in the distance on the lawn. In my mind I walked into the bee nature meditation in the hobbit house nature sanctuary building that has taken up the practice of Bhramari since we were last there (coincidence? or a seed we left behind) and thought about how simple acts can root and change a consciousness.

My body is shaking and trembling and though I know I should be creating the slide shows I also know somehow that I can't just yet. That my body has to work in order to integrate the daydreaming. That I have to continue to process it as I shovel and clip blackberries this morning before it gets too hot. That spending a few hours with wee bairns on paddle boards will be soothing, even as I think about how to re-craft the story of our Armageddon and Restoration. Creating images for the poetry of teaching, the every day allegories that strengthen and build the structure for our enrealment.

My job is to dismantle the colonial history, disrupt the corporate oligarchical overlord's hold on our cultures, and put into an absorb-able format the retelling of our Myth. The Return to Eden. To follow the symbols back to the center of the lemniscate, the time where things began to change, search for the seeds and symbols that can bring us back to the wisdoms of the cultural creatrixes, and follow the Vision I have been having deeper, as it reveals itself in layers.

I pray that I can get out of my own way and trust this inner knowing. Because it feels like I have been pushed, pulled, molded, spun and woven into this moment. This Duty. This karma. This Mission, passion, exploration, discovery, narrative.

I feel like my body is reflecting the energy of swarming.

thousands of neurons vibrating to an over arching perfume.

A similar sensation to the feeling of standing on the shore in a superhero wetsuit with a surfboard under my arm. When the sand is under your feet and then the ocean begins to pull you out deeper, the waves begin to form overhead and the ocean-muscle of tug and rise, and me a piece of living driftwood, a flotsom a focused speck of nothingness yet it is me at the center of that and the knowing, the turtle dive and roll and tumble, the warble to standing, the uptake of speed the nothing is forever and this is part of something bigger, something i do not understand essential movement nothing else matters and I want to uululate and fist pump into the air and hang my shoulders like a monkey as if I were tall and lanky and could curve into that ride.

Not success of self, but the ride of Vision. The fervent desire to ride the wave to the best of my ability. To express that energy, my words my board, to do my best, maybe even with style and collapse into the smoosh of seafoam and let the receding wave pull me and pummel me, wrestle me back to myself like a rowdy sibling.

And the wash over me is one of being in-love. In love with all of it.

That this is an act of love. A devotion. Leadership and service.

There is no choice. This is what I am made of.

I forgive myself for the thousand ways I fail and promise to do the very very best I can with these generous opportunities on the horizon.

Thank you to all that are supporting this journey.

I am more driven because of you.

I am inspired by the whole colorful lot of you.

I love you.

Thank you and that includes all the animals and elements, because we are all family after all.

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Laura Bee is incredibly stoked to be delivering her work at the following international events:

2017 Findhorn, Scotland Aug 5-11 Sacred Bee Symposium & Immersion